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first day back at work, and back to work

 Jan 2, 2024 Work is such a funny thing. It's exhausting to do something all day that I don't care at all about. I used to really love coding and technology, but being relegated to support, and told partial information, really frustrates me.  On top of this, I'm still responsible for doing all of the house chores, simply because they won't get done otherwise. I really am frustrated with not feeling peace in my home. I can't meditate or be calm because it's always a 50/50 split between cleaned by me, and made chaotic by bunny. I'm so disappointed by that. There's always something more important than my trivial feeling about comfort in my home.  It really feels like neglect. I wonder how much I subject myself to that's totally unnecessary. If I want a clean home, shouldn't I live with a clean person? Doesn't that make the most sense? No matter how much I try to make this space comfortable for me, it doesn't matter what I feel. Always the do
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an uncomfortable start

 Jan 1, 2024.  Today is the first day that I begin a new journey towards self-discovery. I've spent 10 full years now, attending to the needs of my partners, and never really visiting who I am, and what I want. At times, I felt sure of these things, unaware of just how much confidence I had lost. Yet now, I realise that there is more that I can wish for and want. There is more to desire, more to hope for.  I challenged myself a lot over the last year to really challenge my own insecurities. At the end though, I ended up suffocating myself by overdoing it. I hadn't known that part of challenging those insecurities meant addressing why I so badly needed to control every situation in my life. Why did it matter so much? Why do all these little things matter?  But after going without these little needs being met for so long, I just accepted that they never will be. I spent the entire last year punishing myself for having needs, and uplifting someone else. For once, I won't quest
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